Rosie O’Donnell’s Daughter Escapes for Good

Rosie O’Donnell spent the final weeks before her adopted daughter Chelsea turned eighteen hunting her down for daring to leave Castle O’Donnell in the quest of man cock. O’Donnell returned her daughter to the highest tower and resumed drugging her under the guise of her mental illness called lust. Chelsea turned eighteen this week and on the very same day had her bio mom pick her up and drive her a thousand miles away from Rosie pronto. This is the same bio mom who claims she was drugged out of her mind and her husband sold her baby without her permission to O’Donnell back in the day. Not exactly the mom of the year, but when it’s a choice between hitting up Wendy’s and motels on a road trip with this addict and sticking around to see what prescription meds Rosie has for you next, you hop right into the ’03 Corolla and start catching up with the woman who birthed you.

I’d call this story one of triumph over crazy. Rosie O’Donnell announced she’s cutting Chelsea off from all funds because that’s all she has left to say. Your kids don’t ditch you the day they legally can because you’re awesome. Rosie has only 87 adopted spawn left to work over in the hopes of finding the pure soul to take her candy factory when she retires. Not a factory so much as a big basement storage room filled with Baby Ruth’s and Snickers.

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