Lena Dunham Melds Into “The Simpsons

It’s been a big week for Lena Dunham. First, the fake boyfriend breakup story she staged on social media to remind the world that somebody thinks she’s fuckable and his name is Jack. She got to interview Hillary Clinton for her new website, YetiSquats.com, wherein the two gal pals labeled each other feminists and tried to outdo each other in explaining how much they totally don’t hate men. Finally, Dunham’s getting a character on The Simpsons fashioned after her own self-inflated stardom, though animated more slender to avoid violating EPA rules on virtual ink usage.

Dunham is extremely beloved in about seven zip codes of New York and Los Angeles that comprise a good segment of the media industry. She’s like a Congressman who’s been re-elected for forty years in a gerrymandered district that’s the tortured shape of a lower intestine having a spasm. If she steps out of her district, she’s pelted with rotten cabbage and eggs, which she promptly fries up in Crisco and serves herself as a frittata for that meal squeezed in between second breakfast and The View chocolate chip trail mix gorging. If she’d man up and say Death to America we could probably drone her. Short of that it’s just waiting for the slow rot of fatty liver. Meet back here in twenty years to discuss.

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