You can count on honor students being the victims of random school shootings and graduation night party balcony collapses. God has those fuckers marked the minute their parents put up that fucking bumper stick on their wagon. The happy go lucky John Kennedy Santos Gurjao was that young Brazilian guy who bit that other dude on an Aer Lingus flight before expiring dramatically onboard in a massive seizure. Gurjao was on his way to Dublin to study English and was the honor student pride of his family back home. That left only two possibilities for his odd demise. Too much time studying in the library or narcotics. Gurjao’s gastrointestinal track turned out to be loaded with eighty cocaine balloons, one of which burst and socked his innards with more recreational drugs than a Gummi Bear Davis everything must go sale. Gurjao’s weeping parents chocked up his loss to God’s master plan, Jesus apparently in cahoots with a drug running cartel out of South America. I’m glad the rest of the world has a handle on the skyrocketing cost of college tuition. The Irish model sounds promising.