By The Sea Looks Scintillating (VIDEO)

Writer director Angelina Jolie is surpassed in horror only by oncologist clairvoyant Angelina Jolie. I might have that reversed. I could finally finish my Psych 101 paper requirements watching Angelina pre-cog her breasts and uterus out of her body. I see no redeeming value in a movie starring Jolie and her go-along to get-along husband about an artistic American couple living in the South of France struggling with their marriage. And not just because in real life she and Brad Pitt are an artistic American couple living in the south of France struggling with their marriage. Though that’s a good part of it.

It’s finally time to pity Brad Pitt. It’s tough enough when you have to smile politely at your wife’s freshly thrown pottery glazed in her backyard workshop. Taking four months to carefully act out the most annoying parts of your relationship in 70’s costumes has to be super fucking painful. She’s behind the camera. She knows you’re faking it. I will wrap your mouth in my last fallopian tube and smother you to death, asshole. Now act!