Miley Cyrus Shock Value

I intend to be one of those parents who doesn’t give a shit what they’re kids are up to at any given moment. The odds that they end up being meth addicts or blowing up their schools is relatively low and the benefit of being super fucking lazy is immeasurable. Here’s your vegan granola, are you eighteen yet? You can complain once you get to college, they’ll listen.

I’d bet ninety-percent of parents whose little girls follow Miley Cyrus have no fucking clue what the Miley Cyrus shtick really is. Maybe they see an occasional headline about her dating somebody famous. They probably don’t know she’s stroking giant strapons and sucking on the tits of the freaks she carts around from show to show. This is the kind of performance creepy men used to peek in on for a nickel at the carnival before TV was invented. There’s nothing wrong with Miley Cyrus. She’s 22 and making a boatload of cash from her act. There’s something wrong with you parents. What do you mean my kids were there too? Fuck it, nobody’s going to die from it. Settle down.

Photo Credit: Getty