Star Trek Coming to Old People On the Go

Every media outlet is pushing their digital strategy because the phrase alone makes investors cum on their buy sheets. Fuck me, they’ve got a digital strategy. That’s eToys dollars. CBS announced they’re launching a premium digital access channel that will feature all their great shows you can’t name because you’re under 67.3 years of age and you can find your remote. For seven bucks a month you can mix in the entire library of Blue Bloods with your stool softener. There is no way your dad or grandpa is watching Criminal Minds on his tablet while wired in at the hookah bar.

CBS had to come up with something so they announced a brand new Star Trek TV series that will only be available on their new pay digital service. It’s not yet conceived or written, but it comes out in January 2017 and they own fucking Star Trek and Spock is dead. But in which universe? Good news for you, nerds. Bad news for Anthony LaPaglia who is currently starring on eleven CBS primetime cop dramas if he can’t book a Starfleet captain role on the new big thing. Is that Red from Orange if the New Black and Quantum Leap guy? I can afford this.