Judge Rules Lesbians Can Play Women’s Basketball, Finally

In some bit of tortured logic, a judge ruled that Pepperdine University could not discriminate against lesbian chicks on their women’s basketball team because you can’t define a lesbian without first defining her gender, female, ergo all sexual orientation discrimination is therefore gender discrimination which is strictly verboten under Federal law. The Christian college in Malibu had previously booted two girls off the team after admitting they liked to push their beds together at night and giggle about what the post-game showers must be like in the WNBA. The girls sued and won.

Kicking lesbians off your women’s basketball team seems like an idiotic proposition prima facie. Why not exile the gay boys out of your drama department? So you’ll have the shittiest women’s basketball team in America and your Spring production of Oklahoma lacks any zing whatsoever. Who made those costumes? Oh, yeah, right. Nobody. As we march toward universal mandated acceptance of same sex boning, even at religious institutions, it would be decent if we could do so with honesty in the process. Instead of arcane jurisprudence, the judge could’ve just doodled out ‘This one’s for my gays!’ with emoji hearts on his office legal pad. Could you girls at least attempt a jump shot?

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