Kourtney Kardashian Launches

Kourtney Kardashian is the final sister in the coven to launch her eponymous app. Unlike Kim’s personal app focused on scheming and whoring, and Khloe’s tips on how to beat the hormone tests and qualify for women’s athletics, Kourtney made her site extremely personal. As personal as you can get when you’re not the person creating the personal content.

I am so happy to finally have a space where I can share my obsessions and the things that I am most passionate about.

That blinding passion is vegan Rice Krispies treats. That’s how Kourtney broke out of the gate. Good luck finding that elsewhere on the Internet. Coming soon: tips on how to rear three illegitimate children with a modest staff of illegals trained to hide from the cameras. The purpose of these Kardashian premium apps is to separate fools from their money. It’s a classic bit of laboratory Darwinism. Resources move from the stupid to the greedy stupid. Then God kills the greedy stupid in bathroom accidents. It’s a myth that only the good die young. $2.99 a month sounds a lot like $3. How many nude photos do I get?

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