George Washington Just Another Politically Incorrect Asshole

Some poor shmuck kids book writer Ramin Gameshram was tasked by Scholastic to write a kindergarten level picture book about George Washington. Somebody slipped him some note about needing to be multicultural so he made the story about Washington’s slave cook Hercules who was supposed to be making Washington a birthday cake but had no sugar! Oh, fuck me kids book problems are the worst.

Scholastic pulled the book from distribution a week after release because a groundswell of really angry people wrote really angry things about the black slaves looking super happy about being slaves and making George Washington a fucking birthday cake.

While we have great respect for the integrity and scholarship of the author, illustrator and editor, we believe that, without more historical background on the evils of slavery than this book for younger children can provide, the book may give a false impression of the reality of the lives of slaves and therefore should be withdrawn

It might’ve passed muster if the slaves were beaten and despondent and dreaming of Africa and shitting in Washington’s cake when he wasn’t looking. The author of the book noted that Washington’s slaves, while slaves, considered themselves pretty lucky to have an A-list master and in the least would’ve been all smiles around their boss and made him plenty of super fucking amazing cakes. Kissing ass is nothing new. But fuck historical context and accuracy. The truth often sends the wrong message. Plus explaining shit to children is hard. When they burn Huck Finn in carbon neutral fires I’m moving into the woods. The Greatest Generation spawned a bunch of selfish fucks who deemed cowardice the apt response to mob censorship. You get none of my jerky.

(The book is still available from re-sellers on Amazon if you want to bring something to the compound to impress.)

Photo credit: Amazon/Scholastic/Ramin Gameshram, et al