Kris Jenner Master Vulture

Nicole Brown Simpson’s name has come up again in the news as FX continues to promote the shit out of the OJ trial movie they made because absolutely nobody had any better ideas. When Nicole’s name comes up, you can either say, man, that sucks how she got her head cut off by that crazy fucker O.J., or you can delve into how her murder was kind of all about you.

Kris Jenner pushed herself into People magazine for an interview ostensibly about Nicole that quickly turned into a wonder of me testimonial. Jenner remembers her dear friend Nicole helping Jenner through her miscarriage and even giving her all of her designer maternity wear because she was so certain Jenner would spawn again. Quite a gamble given her new husband was already undergoing early hormonal treatments on the down low to become a woman.

I was pregnant with Kendall during the [murder] trial. I actually wore the clothes to trial. That kind of gave me this crazy strength.

One day I’ll hopefully be able to say to God, ‘Why did you take her so young?’ But [until then], it gives me great comfort to say my prayers and talk to her. I loved my friend really hard.

And she loved you back. Even as you were fucking her NFL running back husband in the bushes to make Khloe. She doesn’t remember you that well. Just how much you loved black dudes and feeling special a few minutes at a time. Now, give back the maternity clothes before she uses her angelic powers to make your next generation of offspring retarded as well.

Photo credit: FameFlynet