Obama’s Tears Confusing at Best

President Obama cried real human tears while pretending to be decisive in executive ordering some limp restrictions on the sale of guns that affects neither the law abiding gun buyers or the criminals, but received wonderful applause in the room. The waterworks opened up when the President was referring to the dead children tragically killed by mentally disturbed young adults given weapons by their mom when TV no longer babysits. Supporters note that Obama’s real tears display how he feels the pain of his constituents. Detractors called him a pussy.

The problem with being a sobbing President is you can’t just do it once in a while. Then you look like only certain tragedies concern you. You don’t sob on camera every year when school reports indicates our children are now less educationally proficient than slave kids in Mali. Or even when County Health employees are gunned down in San Bernadino by Islamic extremists with guns your Executive Order will have zero implication on buying yet again.

I don’t like partisan politics. It’s like hockey. A fourth sport at best. I’ll pay attention every now and then when there’s a big fight. And I don’t like when men cry in public. It just makes everybody uncomfortable. When the President cries, it makes people super uncomfortable save for Putin who tugs one out topless on horseback while shooting a musk ox closed range with a sawed off shotgun.

You should feel bad about kids dying. Most especially when you’re conning everybody into thinking you’re helping to stop it. There are 100 crazy white dudes and 1,000 crazy Muslim dudes out there right now plotting to kill more innocent Americans. Gun show loophole closings are a wonderful step toward doing nothing. Get those murderous fuckers in cuffs and you’ll see a serious drop in first grader death by outlier asshole. There’s no crying in the White House.