Paul Allen’s big ass yacht tore up a bigger than usual fender bender hole in the side of a protected coral reef preserve off of the Cayman Islands. Somebody forget to pull up the anchor and tore up 14,000 square feet of coral. I have no basis for coral measurement, but that just sounds like a fuck ton of coral. You’ve got to hate when your deck boy Randy forgets to crank in the anchor chain as your football field length yacht is racing to get you to your offshore bank before closing. This could be just another case of a rich asshole destroying the planet with his big ass toys, but this happens to be a rich asshole who runs a charitable conservancy to protect endangered coral reefs around the world. Allen’s Ocean Challenge charity pays out $10,000 awards to scientists who propose ways to protect the ocean’s coral reefs. Um, here’s one. Don’t drag your fucking anchor through the reef like you’re trying to teach it a lesson.
It’s easy to decry environmentalist billionaires who think everybody needs to reduce their carbon footprint while taking their corporate jet to Mickey D’s for a late night 20-piece and honey mustard. But it’s just human nature to want to make a shit ton of rules for other people while you’re banging models with DiCaprio in the back of his running SUV. You can never change this paradigm. Rich people get away with a lot. That’s why you want to be rich. The coral can take some comfort in knowing Paul Allen’s Seahawks are out of the playoffs and their quarterback is gay. Fucking bigoted ass coral.
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