Change.org petitions were designed to allow people to turn their petty feelings into petty requests. They’re fatwas for atheists. Have you heard a baby cry? It doesn’t become more worthwhile when five more babies join in. It becomes the moment you first consider killing babies. The signature list needs to be printed out for when eugenics comes back around. Get your Planned Parenthood snippers, we’re cutting the jugulars of the petition signers. Do it in a Blue State and you walk.
20,000 people have signed onto a Change.org petition have Disney replace director Colin Trevorrow on Episode IX with George Lucas because Lucas last made three super shitty Star Wars films and you’ll want to book him fast. He also took several billion dollars to walk away quietly from your precious nerd universe. You need to walk away now too. Look at Lucas’ wife’s tits. You don’t get that. You also don’t get the billions but you have the pride in knowing you’re on the cull list for the species. Change.org. Not changing a god damn thing one petition at a time.
Photo credit: FameFlynet