So You Want to Live in Iran…

Iranian National Soccer team goalkeeper Sosha Makani was arrested in his home country for posting pictures of himself with fully clothed random nightclub chicks. The Islamic nation conceded a few years back that Persian chicks like to wear stilettos and tons of makeup and super tight tops and that’s cool, but it’s a crime for men to post pictures of themselves next to these nightclub vamps. Allah is a practical God, but he has his limits, especially when he’s been getting calls from your school principal.

Makani was taken into custody while insisting that his account was hacked and somebody posted the photos without his consent. He was eventually released but faces up to two years in jail or ninety days if he consents to having his dick smashed repeatedly in the public square by a metal edged Quran. Worst of all, he has to continue to play soccer. This kind of bullshit would never happen here. We have red-eye reduction features on our cellphone cameras. America, fuck yeah.