Sugar Bear Dipping His Paws In Other Dude’s Honey

Reality programming provides America with freak show fare you used to have to pay a dude in a mustache to usher you past a drape to see at traveling carnivals. Gluttonous, disgusting, sexually deviant vignettes committed by genetically unfortunate souls. Now they all have shows on TLC so other slightly less fat and disgusting people can live through their misadventures because reading a book has become a chore. It’s all fake, nobody cares, because this is cheap gratification. Nobody asks how hot the free hand job girl is. We already know the answer.

Mama June, the matriarch of the loathsome obese clan of rednecks, made news by announcing that her cheating husband Sugar Bear was fucking around with dudes as well as women. Producers shoveled several pounds of mackerel in her maw for following her cues so remarkably. It’s entirely unclear if this is true or not. It just matters that freakishly fat blobs of flesh utter it on camera and editors cut to astonished looks on the face of those in the room, usually filmed hours after the fact. Can you make disgusted face for the camera? I don’t know, can you bring Mama June back out to digest more Pringles from outside the container?

Everybody rubbernecks at a car accident on the freeway. If you start programming that grotesqueness into your favorite channels or DVR, it’s time to take a look in the mirror and start repeating the word Candyman. If you’re lucky, he’ll hook Mama June and Papa Bear first. Pretending to be involved in incest and statutory rape for ratings is perhaps worse than criminal assault simply because you’re a violent felon. Big media won’t allow for a single second of hot girls nipples but they can broadcast this shit all day? I hate hypocrisy and gruesome fat whores, in no particular order. Candyman…

Photo credit: WE TV