Candice Swanepoel Ass Smells Like Money

When celebrity models get down to the business of explaining their signature perfume lines, it’s like witnessing a third grader in the 1950’s Soviet Union blankly reciting the glory of the State. Candice Swanepoel’s new fragrance for Juicy Couture is based in peony, rose, and amber, with a note of jasmine. This barely edged out lilac, meconium, and a spicy giardiniera blend. For Candice, the memories run deep:

There are so many fragrances that have ties to memory—it’s like music for me. I’m always reminiscing, and growing up in South Africa, there are so many different smells that take me back. There’s a note of jasmine in this, and on our farm, we had a massive water tower outside of our front door that was covered in jasmine. When it flowered, it was such a gorgeous, strong smell.

Clarice just remembered the lambs. I like your memory better. As long as we’re making stuff up, when did the handsome farm boy try to kiss you in the field of peonies? Careful not to step on the dead negroes daddy made casualties of apartheid. I bet that aroma sticks with you as well. Celebrity scents are more complicated than math. $94 at Macy’s. I feel like I’m ripping you off.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret