Mariah Carey For Love And Money

Mariah Carey’s publicity team keeps shitting out ‘anonymous insider’ quotes about how amazingly in love Carey is with James Packer, the rich Australian mark who bought her a 35-karat diamond engagement ring. The Mottola hummer netted Carey an entry level recording contract. What’s on the menu for a stone described in ounces? I’d make her let the kids watch whatever the answer. Love is nothing if not tested.

Mariah’s time is now split between her commitment to walking not like a man in her girdle and preparing for the upcoming wedding.

“I’ve picked a lot of things that I can’t tell, but you’ve already seen the ring so POW!”

POW! I’d keep mentioning that fucker too. It’s been estimated to have a value of $10 million. Under the laws of the State of California and common law related to whoring, Carey has to return the engagement ring if the wedding is canceled. That gives this dude Packer a few months yet to listen to his children and trusted advisers and the Dear Abby response to his letter. It gives Carey a few more months of a dude yelling “crikey!” and slamming his Cialis dong into her rectum. Everybody’s on a mission. I don’t usually get excited about weddings.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet