Police Not Having It With Beyonce

With the intellectual age of a four year old born to the zika virus, it’s hard to imagine Beyonce plots anything beyond how to make her ass look shiny and singing into the microphone her dad bought her so she could always have food. Cops around the nation are convinced Beyonce’s new music video using Black Lives Matter as a backdrop is part of a grand anti-police pop culture cabal. It’s not. It’s a ruse to get attention and sell records. The ring leader is over in the corner trying to peel her snack grapes. Nevertheless, police unions around the county are calling for their members to boycott Beyonce. This won’t mean much to her music sales, but could be a pain in the ass when hiring off-duty cops to work security at concert venues. The cops still own those plum off-duty assignments.

Police used to be blindly revered now the pendulum has swung toward blankly reviled. Not just because a few bad apples in various forces started getting called on their Dirty Harry role play. But because in 2016 everybody questions everything and not just the teens hate authority. Also, cellphone cameras. Blaming Beyonce for anything beyond simplistic music and frequently forgetting where her stripper named daughter is at any given time is likely counterproductive. Ask for a Camp David Accord style blow job to make it all right and move on. Justin Bieber’s coming to town next and you’re going to want to beat his ass somewhere discreetly like the good old days.

Photo credit: Beyonce/Instagram