Ted Nugent Alone Figures Shit Out

Gun rights activists are akin to pro-choice activists on the opposite end of the political spectrum. The doomsday rhetoric doesn’t really match the practical ease of access on the ground. You can obtain pretty much any non-combat weapon you want in this country whenever you want. After five Republican administrations since Roe v. Wade, you can still grab an abortion at the corner clinic with fifteen minutes notice and a Groupon. Ted Nugent is perhaps the most prominent of the alarmist 2nd Amendment dudes. He’s constantly ranting from his bunker about the black helicopters and the Illuminati coming to take away his hunting cannons. He’s 67. He’s had guns his whole life. He’ll go out with guns. But not if the Jews have their way.

Nugent uncovered a series of Jewish politicians working within a vast Israeli conspiracy to de-arm American citizens for reasons that make complete sense if you’ve been slipping slowly into delusional paranoia since 1990. Nugent took to Photoshop to make the cabal super real looking with clipart. There’s always that moment when your drunk uncle moves from whimsical iconoclast into unhinged unabomber and he stops getting the Thanksgiving invites because everybody wants to live. Manifestos and Jewish conspiracy theories are a sign that it’s time to cut off communications. The ease at which Nugent’s rocker nickname, Motor City Madman, will be used in news headlines once he’s shooting people from up in the clock tower will be something to behold. Sleep gently, Ted. Who’s getting the snake skin hats?

Photo credit: Ted Nugent/Twitter