The Oscars Invariably Sucked

Chris Rock nailed a near perfect opening monologue blasting Hollywood both for being racists and overreacting about being racist and then probably should’ve left and handed off the show to Doogie Howser because he seemed spent after dealing with OscarsSoWhite hype for six weeks. The remainder of the show served as a circle jerk of rich artists patting each other on the back for making movies mostly nobody has seen while watching Star Wars win nothing as the most popular movie in the history of cinema. Lady Gaga screamed a poem about being raped while a group of women and men who have been sexually assaulted staggered onto stage like the Walking Dead of straight and gay rape. That was fun explaining to my niece. Of course you want to go to college someday. Look at how nicely survivors of campus rape have recovered.

Sam Smith won best gay song and declared himself the first openly gay man to win at the Oscars. A fact that is telling both because almost everybody at the Oscars is gay, but also because it set Milk screenwriter Dustin Lance Black into a hissy fit because he won an Oscar in 2009 and he’s very openly fucked a ton of dudes. By the time black oppression had been called out by the thirty second black presenter of the evening, the entire program had languished into After School Special. It was entirely anti-climactic when the priest pedo sex abuse movie won Best Picture of the Year. New York black activist Shaun King refused to watch the Oscars and then wrote a piece about how lousy Chris Rock did. That’s just how the night went. The show had its worst rating in almost a decade. Think like the Super Bowl. Cover up your blemishes and put on a happy face. More of America is watching.

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