Trump v. Pope

Donald Trump has attacked Pope Francis because Francis is  blatant front runner who during a speech in Southern Mexico mocked Trump’s Great Wall of Mexico plan. Trump loves that wall even more than he loves his own children, save for Ivanka who he always refers to in a creepy incestuous manner. The Pope spoke in Spanish, one of the seventeen languages he can mutter semi-intelligibly, so it’s possible something was lost in the translation. But probably not.

A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian

Anyone who’s studied tape on Trump knows he feeds entirely off the counterpunch. If you simply wish him a good morning his pancreas shuts down. An assistant handed Trump his When Popes Attacks file card and Trump retorted with the top bullet point:

“If and when the Vatican is attacked by ISIS, which as everyone knows is ISIS’ ultimate trophy, I can promise you that the Pope would have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been President because this would not have happened.”

The next bullet points were dramatic excepts from the movie Spotlight so the Pope should consider himself lucky Trump showed some restraint. If Trump becomes President and the Vatican is never attacked by ISIS, Trump can claim credit. If it is attacked he can tell the Pope you never should’ve fucked with America. He’s a genius that way. And no other discernible way.

Photo credit: Donald Trump / Instagram