Hannah Davis Wallows

Women have been blaming hunger for their mood swings since cavemen came home empty-handed from failed hunts. But even Cro-Magnon knew it was their vaginas. Though that fails to explain why my step-brother is a cunt when he skips breakfast.

Hannah Davis is a perky-titter swimsuit model. She is also the only home run Derek Jeter will ever hit again. She recently spoke out about the hardships of being beautiful and getting paid more cash than she can count to stand on a beach. It turns out it’s hard work to maintain an impossibly incredible physique seen only in women who are under the age of twenty or live in certain neighborhoods of New York and Los Angeles. Usually with short bald guys because physical appearance isn’t important to them. Davis reports no longer caring when told she’s not thin enough,

“You get a little backlash once in awhile — maybe they want you to slim down for something. But now it’s like, ‘Sorry, I don’t care. If you don’t want to work with me, that’s OK with me.’ It’s not a cocky thing; I’m just more concerned with my quality of life. I don’t want to go to birthday parties and not eat cake.”

Buyer beware. For someone who doesn’t care, Davis work outs awfully hard and eats awfully little before shoots, saying she starves herself to the point where she gets mean,

“Uh, I’m pretty much miserable! I warn everyone, ‘Prepare for me to write you a random bitchy text because I’m hungry.’ I do eat the whole time, but I work out a lot, usually two workouts a day for two or three days before. I’ll go on a 10-mile bike ride or something, and then I’ll come back and work with a trainer. I do pretty intense workouts in the gym.”

Don’t do it then. I’m sure other jobs are much easier and pay someone with zero skills far more money. Here’s a bitchy text you can understand, “STFU n do ur job. Sum ppl clean toilets 4 a living. Jeter Whore.”

Photo credit: Hannah Davis / Instagram/ Health