Madonna Stealing Parking

There are 1.6 million people living on the island of Manhattan. There are three parking spots. Madonna decided she needed more reserved spots for visits from her Kabbalah rabbis and Moroccan dancing boyfriends so she put up fake NO PARKING signs in front of her forty million dollar townhouse and spray painted the curbside yellow. She’s not the first rich grifter to figure out this ruse. She might’ve got away with it if it wasn’t for those meddling kids. The ones who noticed perfectly coiffed dudes in three SUVs fixing up the sidewalk signs. You can’t order that through Postmates. When questioned the ad hoc public works team explained it was cool because ‘we know the right people’. Had they been smart enough to say ‘Homeland Security, we got Muslims trying to get to heaven on this block’ they would’ve had those spots unquestioned for years. Entourage fail. Rocco, come home. I saved you a spot.

Photo credit: FameFlynet