Maria Sharapova Working Out After Failed Drug Test

Maria Sharapova is being praised by her P.R. team members posing as regular old people online for getting out ahead of her positive test for a heart medication produced in Latvia that also adds five mph to your tennis serve. Sharapova held a press conference to announce her upcoming positive test result for the banned substance followed by a whole series of lies about how it came to be in her system. The fibs are pro forma and go back to the time Andre Agassi swore up and down he had no idea how meth got into his blood but later confessed he didn’t know because all the meth he’d been smoking had fucked up his memory.

Performance enhancing drugs in sports are treated as non-existent until such time as the public is forced to deal with the fact that they’re universally existent. PEDs make sports more enjoyable. Think of them as sex lube and suddenly everybody agrees. Sharapova is 2-19 against Serena Williams’ fullback thighs. You take away Latvian heart medication and that drops to O-fer. Tennis needs a white champion. Give blondie her pills back.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet