Mariah Carey’s team has strictly warned VIP ticket buyers on her current British tour that you are not to touch Mariah Carey in any way when in her proximity. Easily excitable people who shell out three months of rent money get the chance to see Mariah smile and walk through a room and cure them of intestinal polyps with just her gaze. She may touch you if she wishes. She won’t. Any man who’s ever been to a strip club is fully aware of this set of protocols. You can point and say, damn, girl, you’re so much fatter than your sister dying with The AIDS. You put a finger on that jelly roll and you will be tased.
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