Michelle Pfeiffer Goes Goop

Michelle Pfeiffer is launching a healthy living products business.  She joins the long line of P.T. Barnum female celebrities who want to help less attractive people who don’t live on the beach to feel better. Merchandising Harpies like Gwyneth Paltrow and Blake Lively distribute potpourri scened placebos in exchange for cash or credit card. It’s a sickness, but on the buyer’s part. Pfeiffer had been smoking cigarettes and living hard on Coke and coffee while coming to terms with her Hollywood expiration date. She caught a CNN documentary called “The Last Heart Attack” where President Bill Clinton talked about his decision to go vegan after getting super fat and clogged.

“I remember watching that program thinking, ‘Clinton is a smart man and there’s true science behind this theory.’ So I cut out meats and dairy… I think you begin to look and feel lousy the older you become, so now I eat really well. I don’t smoke and I’m learning meditation.”

Pfeiffer is right. Clinton is smart. And science does know stuff. And smoking is bad. And old people do look grosser. But unless you’re coming up with any breakthroughs beyond eat your vegetables, shush. I’m trying to whack it to you in your leather Catwoman suit. That’s my Coke and coffee.

Photo credit: Scarface trailer / YouTube