Saoirse Ronan Gets Wet

Everybody was happy this chick didn’t win at the Oscars because nobody knew how to pronounce her name. When you have to begin every interview by explaining the idiosyncratic nature of your given name as pronounced in English, it’s time to change it. You’re just making work for others. I’ll call you Pam. Nice bathtub pics, Pam.

Pam was in the movie Brooklyn which almost nobody saw because we already saw the last fifteen movies where Irish people come to New York in search of a meal with flavor. Mine came from Poland. The journey was marked by diarrhea and date rape. A hundred years ago maybe we needed inspirational stories to lure immigrants across the water. Now you’re just emptying out the borracho alleys in Chihuahua. If you can properly pronounce Saoirse, you get in. The rest of you start forming a human chain and assailing the wall. I don’t know why Tito always has to be on the bottom. He has strong hips.

Photo Credit: Interview