Xena Comes Out

It was always assumed that Lucy Lawless’ original Xena Warrior Princess was dyking on her trusted companion Gabrielle. Xena wore studs and carried a sword. Gabrielle was named Gabrielle and you can’t get much more lesbian than that. Now that everybody in positions of power are proudly gay, announcing they wished they were gay, or living in fear of Ellen, the new Xena reboot has the Warrior Princess officially coming out of the closet.

There is no reason to bring back Xena if it is not there for the purpose of fully exploring a relationship that could only be shown subtextually in first-run syndication in the 1990s.

You had me at there’s no reason to bring back Xena. If the lady warriors climb under waterfalls and finger fuck each other, I’m buying the complete set. I feel the same way about women’s tennis, not so much the UFC. I’d look for less scissor kissing and more politically correct speeches about the forbidden love. Hollywood can’t help but make chicks making out seem boring. Only the fun kind of lesbian gets searched on PornHub. Take the under.

Photo credit: The less gay Xena Warrior Princess