Brian Austin Green Gets Back in There

With the instincts of a stripper about to lose her bread winner, Brian Austin Green knocked up Megan Fox for a third time. Pretty slick, survivor. Fox filed for divorce Green last Fall after flipping through iCal and realizing her husband hadn’t worked in seventeen years. Green claims to suffer from vertigo which renders him unable to work or do the dishes. He takes care of the couple’s two toddlers at home because that’s the job for a man who routinely gets dizzy and falls down. Fox announced the pregnancy news when everybody at CinemaCon noticed her belly was beginning to match her brachydactyly thumbs. An anonymous insider source had an objective take on paternity:

Of course Brian is the dad! They never stopped loving each other and they will never stop being devoted parents to their boys.

That exclamation point makes me feel bad for even speculating. Megan Fox isn’t the first woman to keep making babies with a chronically unemployed man. Just the first one we didn’t have to pay for with tax dollars.

Photo Credit: Splash