Khloe Kardashian Recalls Her Pretty Baby Moments

Kris Jenner forced daughter Khloe Kardashian to get beauty treatments when she was just thirteen. It was a facial and a sneaky armpit waxing. You have acne and male pattern hair growth. You think the nice neighbor man paying our electric bill needs to see that? Khloe recounts the event like she’s Jodie Foster talking about that one time on a pinball machine.

I remember when I was like 13 years old, my mom made me get a facial for the first time. I guess I’d started growing hair under my arms [at the time], so during the facial she had someone wax my underarms. But she didn’t warn me! I was like, “What is happening!” It was so traumatizing. I remember being terrified, and I didn’t want a facial for years because I thought that was part of it.

Spoiler alert: she later became very comfortable with facials. Kris Jenner has always been a soulless stage mom. Years after the armpit rape of her underage daughter, Jenner publicly called her daughter Khloe a brand-cheapening fatass. To which Khloe replied, “Get over yourself. You’re such a fucking raging lunatic, and you’re so evil.” A fugue state of clarity. Now that Khloe has made the effort to lose weight, she’s fallen in line, saying, “My family helped make me feel comfortable in my own skin. They are where I get my strength from.” Goonie-goo-goo. You’ll always be the Sasquatch on the outside looking in.

Photo credit: Khloe Kardashian / Instagram