Ted Cruz Lookalike To Do Porn

Searcy Hayes rocketed to fame the old fashioned way, resembling an obese version of Ted Cruz in drag. Hayes took a Papa John’s gift certificate booklet to appear on the Maury Povich Show and confront her boyfriend with paternity paperwork. You’d think that being the only guy in town willing to fuck XXL Ted Cruz without protection would dispel the need for a big DNA test reveal. It was never down to you and Gerard Butler. XHamster and their super engaged marketing manager stepped in to offer ten grand for the Internet meme famous Mississippian and her boyfriend to make a sex tape. For people who like watching unattractive obese couples on government disability in their 20’s plunging their fatties into one another. A modest three million views at best. Nobody ever went broke overestimating how sick this world is.

[Hayes] has made sex tapes privately, but this will be the first time that millions of people potentially will be watching.

Classic zeitgeist. Unemployed pre-diabetics on food stamps are already well-versed in erotic production. Everybody has an iPhone and genitals. In Mississippi they know which bathrooms to use. The only thing worse than this is the real Ted Cruz.