Carlos Martinez STD Sued

Cardinals starting pitcher Carlos Martinez had to leave St. Louis to defend himself in court for aggravated re-gifting of an STD to a chick in a Miami. If every man in this world was a pro athlete, we’d all be making pilgrimages to South Florida for similar cases. The upside of playing big league ball is you pull exceptionally good tail for a skinny dude from the Dominican. The downside is the civil suits for $1.5 million.

The woman claims she had grilled Martinez about his sexual health before they hooked up and he “swore to God that he was not infected with any sexually transmitted disease.”

HSV negative testimonials are only as effective as a condom if you ask them to cross their heart. It sucks to get a genital rash that doesn’t come with an engagement ring and a condo for your mother. Even if you could prove it’s Martinez’ viral load, a million and a half seems a bit steep for a non-life threatening biological agent. Dudes who lose their arms in threshers top at at half a mill. You’ll survive the demon bumps. When the next ballplayer asks, be sure to swear to God as well. I’m certain this is the business he wants to be in.

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