Kristen Stewart dumped her burly French DJ girlfriend after wrapping a film in Paris. Soko had to suspect she was merely an out of town work fling. You’re three knuckles deep and she’s insisting you can only reach her via telegram. How many times did she change the subject when you asked her to go in on a full carton of cigarettes?
Stewart’s got a butch back in the States. Alicia Cargile’s certified in low voltage electrical installation and doesn’t constantly rant about how American coffee sucks. Homely girlfriends aren’t the kind of thing you like to collect. Based on French actuary tables, there’s a hundred percent chance Soko takes her own life. Don’t end it in the Seine. The undersized river patrol boat cranes tolerate fat people about as well as the general French population. You’ll always have Paris.
Photo credit: Marie Claire France