Tracy Anderson is the go-to fitness guru for all the big names in Hollywood. According to her press releases she trains Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Lopez, Nicole Richie, Lena Dunham and a shit load of westside moms who want to look like any of the first three. Time to edit your sizzle list. Anderson shapes the health and fitness of her clients through a strict regimen of hardcore dance workouts, healthy eating, and a massive amount of plastic surgery. All the Zumba in the world won’t keep your breasts and jowls from bending to the laws of gravity. Ironically, the surgical scars were easier to hide when you had body fat. Why aren’t you laughing with me? I can keep you looking forty-seven forever.
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