Richard Simmons Possibly Becoming A Woman

Whatever is going on with Richard Simmons it’s really fucking weird. That statement applies to his entire life but especially now. Rumors had it that he was being held against his will in his own home by his housekeeper, which would seem to justify a firing. I’ll still write a nice letter it’s just not working out. He hasn’t left the house in two years, which doesn’t jibe with the concept of healthy living. He’s only 67 years old. So is Richard Gere. Maybe all that flitting around is hard on your joints.

He was recently hospitalized for exhaustion, a state difficult to attain when you’re unemployed and housebound. Too many I Love Lucy marathons? According to National Enquirer Simmons has fully transitioned into a woman named Fiona. A little ethnic bent to it. Nicely done but don’t think about checking any boxes. His reps are denying it, although it should be noted they also won’t confirm he’s a homosexual. His Instagram is loaded with photos of him in drag. We all knew where this was going.

Simmons doesn’t come off as particularly bright. If he’d been creative enough he would have thought of this years ago. We’re going to have some solid biopics on our hands in the coming decade. Simmons is an underdog to beat out Michael Jackson in the category of Best What the Fuck.

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