Rio Seems Ready

Brazil seemed like an odd choice to host the 2016 Summer Olympics. But only because everybody going there is going to be be killed or live to produce shrunken apple head babies. As with any exceptionally poor decision based upon the transferring of large amounts of Vulcanized rubber futures, cracks are appearing in the dam. Australian Paralympics sailer, Liesl Tesch, and her equally disabled boating mate were riding backs as paraplegics do in Rio when they were robbed at gunpoint:

We were close to our hotel when we were confronted by two men, one of whom was armed. I was threatened with the pistol and pushed to the ground. He took my bike, and the other perpetrator took Sarah’s bike. We are both shaken, but physically we’re both OK.

Stealing bikes from the handicapped is preseason warmups for the rampant roving criminals assembling in Rio for the onslaught of Olympic tourists. The Australian Federal Police have issued a warning to Aussies heading to Brazil for the Olympics to “exercise a high degree of caution”. The highest degree of caution being to change your summer plans to a city where you get to keep your bikes. Along with your Zika inoculation shot that doesn’t exist consider Magic Markering your name onto your kidneys.

_{Photo credit: Twitter/Liesl Tesch}