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Alan Cumming Demands Non Dairy Options at Dairy Queen

July 22, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments

It’s an inherent dare not to make cum jokes in a story about Alan Cumming and Dairy Queen. The forever animated movie villain penned a letter to the Dairy Queen CEO asking that the ice cream store chain offer non-dairy options. For the lactose intolerant and those wishing to keep Botswana from getting even hotter. This should get about as far as my Change.org petition to make the Logo channel show less man-ass.

Given the increased global demand from people who suffer from dairy allergies and lactose intolerance as well as those concerned about their health, the environment, and animal welfare, it’s no surprise that the dairy alternatives market is expected to reach $19.5 billion in value by 2020. Dairy Queen has the opportunity to broaden its appeal by offering healthier, ‘greener,’ animal-friendly vegan treats.

It is cosmically strange that humans dig drinking the breast milk of other species, but everybody has their thing. If you’re a cow and your choice is the metal cudgel or the teat suction machine, you’re mooing for the latter.

Cumming’s request is not as plainly stupid as it initially sounds. A number of hipster frozen dessert places like Ben & Jerry’s and Pinkberry offer non-dairy options. If Dairy Queen thought it was good business, they’d be doing it as well. They have dudes who crunch numbers in exchange for free sundaes in a helmet. Cummings wrote the letter on behalf of PETA so this has more to do with the philosophy that livestock deserve to be released to seek free college and work in the big city than it does bloating and cramps among people who shouldn’t be eating ice cream in the first place.

In the Pantheon of concerns regarding shit the people for a perfect world want to take away from the rest of us, draw little worry to crappy unhealthy processed food. Like porn and booze, the moralists are well partaking. The occasional law will be passed for winning awards at temperance luncheons, but the stuff everybody does behind closed doors will never go away.

Photo credit: PETA

Tags: alan cumming




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