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Derek Jeter Herpes Circle Of Life

July 11, 2016 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston | 0 Comments

Derek Jeter allegedly has herpes according to anyone who’s ever fucked him. The odds he’s using a condom with his new bride Hannah Davis are zero. So, she now officially has herpes. That really knocks you down a few pegs, as does looking like a character from Avatar. She’s still pretty hot in a fetal alcohol sort of way.

The couple tied the knot in front of a hundred friends and family, meaning several hundred other people just defriended them, said they never liked them anyway, pledged to say something about it when they meet again, and will never follow through. There are several arguments against marriage. Namely almost anyone you’ve ever known who did it. Also, referring to your girlfriend as a wife is a huge turn-off. Plus sharing a bank account sucks. Unless you’re a woman. Then it’s pretty great.

Nobody ever discusses the fact that you have to winnow down your list of friends and casually tell people you don’t like them by way of not sending an invitation. Seems pretty stressful. Jeter probably doesn’t give a shit he’s got the best treatment money can buy. I’m sure when those babies flare up she’ll be second guessing her choice although he is super loaded, charming and good looking. Fuck it, what’s a few breakouts, pull the trigger and pass the calamine.  

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Tags: hannah davis derek jeter



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