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July 20, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments
Enes Kanter has bigger troubles than the NBA’s most pederastic mustache. In case you weren’t aware of shit going down in Kanter’s home country of Turkey, the crazy ass fundamentalist Muslims are battling the moderate Muslims who like funny YouTube videos and chicks in skirts for control of the country. Enes Kanter prefers the latter, because he’s been in the NBA long enough to understand the benefits of premium cable and spinners on his dick.
Kanter’s been an open critic of hardcore Turkish President Tayyip Erdogan who likes to turn off the nation’s collective Facebook when anybody tags him in an unflattering photo. Kanter’s been receiving death threats on his social media accounts. Also called Twitter Standard Operating Procedure. Death threats from whacky Islamic fundamentalists are especially scary. Like Raiders parking lot taunts. They were more harmless nine beers ago. The guy’s dressed like Hun and he’s blaming you for a fifteen year playoff drought. You don’t get 72 virgins for dying in Oakland. They don’t even have 72 virgins. Shave the mustache and try to blend. Avoid heels.
Photo credit: Twitter/Enes Kanter