Hugh Hefner’s Wife Removes Implants

July 22, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston | 0 Comments

Hugh Hefner’s wife Crystal suffers from lyme disease and toxic mold syndrome, which is something you probably get from making out with Hugh Hefner. To combat these ailments she had her fake tits removed. Medically speaking this seems like a dubious claim yet having foreign objects and chemicals inside you can’t be helpful for anything. You probably wouldn’t drink saline or silicon so letting it leach into your bloodstream is probably not the best idea either and no amount of yoga can make up for it. The doctors performing the surgeries certainly know this yet go ahead with it anyway knowing they are mostly putting a band-aid on someone’s psychological trauma. Do what you want it’s a free country. Yet there are a few counseling sessions involved before they cut off your dick: 

“The new me. Happier and healthier. Using 2016 to reclaim my health and embrace and love myself for the real me. Thank you for the overwhelming support… I’ve had days in 2016 when I couldn’t get out of bed. I’ve felt such despair knowing life was happening all around me but I couldn’t participate.” 

Just floating this theory but perhaps part of not being able to get out of bed was the self-loathing of knowing you’re 30 years old and married to a gross old guy combined with having free room and board and no tangible job or skill set? Regardless she does look better minus the probable scarring so hopefully she’s gearing up for a divorce. That cures ninety percent of toxic mold cases. 

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Tags: crystal hefner

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