Naked And Afraid Is Inexplicably Back

The Discovery show Naked and Afraid targets people too old to figure out how to watch girl fights on WorldStarHipHop. A dozen naked survivalists are dropped into the middle of Africa to try and last for forty days without any advanced provisions. So, what the locals have been doing well enough for several millennia before cameras and white people. The contestants are naked because that sounds cool even though basic cable can’t show nudity. This isn’t your daddy’s NatGeo.

The naked for no good reason adventure vacationers eat rotting meat, drink dirty water and if you can’t get enough, one former contestant describes the highlight of her tour:

“Massaging a bowel movement right out of my anus with my hands.”

Thanks, Stacey. Two hours of scoreless soccer just became palatable. The survivalists who make it to the end receive zilch. Discovery challenges them to win it all for pride. That’s super fucking convenient.

All television programming is now niche. If you can find a tiny fraction of the TV audience to watch your shit and you don’t have to pay union cast and crew, you’re golden. Gross naked chicks fingering their ass crap is a hook. The rest is up to the small percentage of the population who gasp aloud while they watch television. We’re all God’s children.

_{Photo credit: Discovery}