A guy who’s spent twenty-seven years musing the Q in LGBTQ is going to kill the humping game once he’s let loose. Wilson’s brand new bride Ciara took to Snapchat to verify the marriage had been consummated and it was incredible. In most cases, this might be viewed as an overcompensating tidbit. But this is a Super Bowl winning quarterback. They don’t just hand out those sweet rings to dudes who aren’t total pussy hounds.
Ciara: Baby, you know what we’re doing tonight?
Wilson: If it’s the same thing as last night, I want to do it multiple times.
Jesus, Russ, multiple times? Ease up on the little lady, player. Wait, are we talking about the same thing?
Lord, give me strength to put some babies that look reasonably like me into this fecund woman. After that, schedules will conflict and life under the press microscope will put a stress on our marriage nobody could have anticipated. My pajamas are still with the valet being pressed, or I’d totally put my thing in your thing a ton of times because I love it so much. Big game in the morning.
Photo credit: Snapchat/Ciara