The Real Victim of the DNC Email Leaks

The DNC email leaks confirmed what everybody already knew — people who work in national politics are wonky sinister losers who take themselves far too seriously. Also, they watch shitty movies and find Rachel Maddow attractive. Following the standard that the only thing that’ll create scandal in D.C. is a dead girl or a live boy, the latter now off the LGBTQ table, this shit was vastly overrated.

There are little nuggets. Like the conversation between the DNC and the White House over the possibility of Ariana Grande performing at a White House event. This was shortly after Grande was caught on video tape licking donuts on trays at a store and stating how much she hated America. An odd thing to say when you’re a five foot tall chick in cat ears making millions.

The DNC and the White House mulled over the political ramifications of drunk donut licking and anti-patriotic quotes and staffer Bobby Schmuck (because that can’t be made up) concluded it simply wouldn’t work out. Tense hours indeed in the White House. Like the Cuban missile crisis. Confidence is eroding in government even as they’re making the right calls on the tough decisions. We could use more Shmucks in the White House. 

_{Photo credit: FameFlynet}