The Huffington Post allowed Renee Zellweger to publish a heavily thesaurus laced op-ed denying she did some weird shit to her eyes under the guise of her commentary on tabloid ethics. In faux academic tone she thoroughly explains why we should all have more important things to care about than some actress who cut her face. Clearly Zellweger is a bonafide policy wonk and spends most of her time contemplating the global water crisis which leaves little time to shoot massive volumes of botox into her head. Even those of us who follow world news enjoy the occasional human interest story. Your weird face is right up our alley:
“The ‘eye surgery’ tabloid story itself did not matter, but it became the catalyst for my inclusion in subsequent legitimate news stories about self-acceptance and women succumbing to social pressure to look and age a certain way. In my opinion, that tabloid speculations become the subject of mainstream news reporting does matter. Not that it’s anyone’s business, but I did not make a decision to alter my face and have surgery on my eyes.”
Just to get this out of the way you’re obviously lying. This is a thoroughly elaborate denial though. It’s like how Sean Penn had to have someone ghostwrite his shitty article because he didn’t want to admit he wanted to be El Chapo’s bitch boy for the weekend.
The irony should not be lost. Journalism should focus on more relevant matters and cease this obsession with celebrity. First step: Allow Renee Zellweger to publish a lengthy self-serving post stroking her own ego. Take a look at the front page of the Huffington Post and tell me what you see, assuming you can squint through your surgically altered eyes.
Photo Credit: Fox News