Drake’s Jewelry Thief Pretty Sketch

Drake recently had ten thousand bucks worth of jewelry stolen from his tour bus, which due to insurance reasons was reported as between $2-3 million worth. Insurance is one of the greater scams of the past century. You’re not supposed to be glad and celebrate at the strip club when your shit gets stolen. Unfortunately for Drake he got it back. This was no elaborate inside job. Often times the simplest answer is correct. Some random crackhead named Travion King just walked onto the bus and stole it. You have to question who you’re associating with when homeless addicts seamlessly blend into your entourage.

King reportedly smoked a bunch of pot and PCP that night. It’s unclear where one still finds PCP or if they simply make it themselves out of Airbone and meth in a Vitamix. King then wandered around Arizona State University and snuck into a dorm room where he tried to rape a chick and was promptly arrested. There are really no winners here. Unless you are sober and want to steal some stupid asshole’s fickle slave harvested shiny coal. In which case it’s apparently pretty easy to get away with. Go forth young Robin Hood.

_{Photo Credit: Tempe Police Dept.}