Magic Johnson’s Wife To Write A Memoir

Magic Johnson’s wife Cookie is writing a book about her bionic husband and why she decided to stick by him against all basic human instinct. Although, there is the money. Cookie writes that Johnson called her one day and said:

“I’m coming home early because I have to tell you something.”

Any time someone says that just assume they have AIDS but make them say it over the phone. Too many times you down a bottle of Maker’s Mark to brace for impact and it turns out you just need fabric softener.

When Magic informed her of this they had been married for six weeks and she was pregnant with their first child. According to Cookie, Magic then locked himself in the bathroom and started calling a bunch of people he’d had unprotected sex with although he couldn’t remember all of their names, so fuck it they’ll hear about it on the news. She then had crippling anxiety for the next few months, wondering if she or her baby had contracted HIV. Magic Johnson, what a guy! Let’s get him another TV deal.

It’s hard to imagine this marriage persevering if the same circumstances fell upon a middle class couple from Reseda, but the thing is Magic Johnson has a ton of fucking money. Hence Cookie hasn’t worked a day in her life, and most likely fucks her HIV positive husband from time to time. It’s unclear if she examines these issues in the book or if Johnson is supposed to come off as a hero because he got HIV and presumably stopped screwing Freddy Mercury.

I’d hang on for the sequel where she examines in great detail the concept of prenuptial agreements. Doesn’t sound like as happy a family as they’d have you believe. Any chance this had an effect on the development of your genderqueer son? 

_{Photo Credit: Oprah.com}