Blac Chyna Wants a Paternity Test

Still Fat Rob Kardashian and his pregnant stripper girlfriend are putting on a reality show where producers ran out of ideas before the show even premiered. “What the fuck is left to make these two yucks do?” had to be the most-oft uttered phrase in pre-production meetings. Nobody had an answer. The entirely staged reality show designed for the most unambitious members of society frames Rob Kardashian as a moody reluctant father and husband to be and Blac Chyna as a pregnant whore who can’t stop clubbing and piercing her fuck face. Her three year old kid is framed as royally fucked.

On the much hyped first episode, Blac Chyna declares to her friend that maybe she should take a paternity test and leave Rob. Nice twist to make the pregnant woman demand a paternity test. If you were fucking a dude not your regular boyfriend at or about the time you got knocked up, you’d probably remember. Don’t go half-whore. It’s offensive to our ability to discern your yeasty bag of tricks from the fact that our own mom slept with other men before she met our dad.

Those committed to thirty hours of television a week were treated to Rob learning lessons from his famous sisters on how to treat his pregnant unmarried girlfriend. Sister Kim shows her low achieving brother how to swaddle a baby in the manner of how a Fortune 500 CEO shows a new hire how he cleans the office bathrooms in the evening when nobody’s looking. This is the moronic cynical shit that put Still Fat Rob into a death spiral of depression and popcorn chicken in the first place. Back into the fire.

If these poo eating rescues stopped making babies for ratings, it would be easier to laugh at their grotesque stage show. Every child is born sacred. It’s the misfired rapper cum across their fontanelle that marks them sour.

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