The Social Good Summit Seems Largely Unnecessary

The Mashable led global Social Good Summit sponsored by Target and Taco Bell seemed to make a lot of progress in New York City over the weekend. The event focused on the fairly wide open question, what do you want the world to look like in 2030. It seemed like a mere fairytale wish until they grounded the proceedings with a hashtag. #2030Now. Especially relevant if your 2016 is not going well and 2017 promises to be equally as shitty. I’m talking to you, Sudan.

Chelsea Handler showed up to share thoughts on how topless selfies on Instagram were the disruption entrenched malnourishment needed in Southeast Asia. Forest Whitaker was a co-host and asked Andrea Bocelli how he’d like to see the world in 2030, at which point Bocelli turned and tried to punch that lazy-eyed, snickering motherfucker. There’s your highlights. Unless you were one of the lucky Third World experts brought in to discuss global social change or the local N.Y. hookers brought in to service the lucky Third World experts. That chick in the headdress got herself some sweet dong. 

If you tried super hard to invent a pointless sounding conference, you’d be hard pressed to surpass Social Good. Outside of Simon Bar Sinister and briefly “Hollywood” Hogan, everybody seems to be rooting for Social Good. The end of all wars, poverty, and hunger. David Crosby swalloed a lot of drugs in order to make this happen. Most people seem less willing to do anything about it. Like eliminating authoritarian regimes, drastically reducing reproduction rates, minimizing the political influence of ancient mystical religions, and encouraging the free flow of capital, goods, and services and an entrepreneurial based economy.

China went from broke-ass to the world’s biggest economy by thoughtfully considering such matters. Not that en fuego GDP fixes all that ails you, but if you’ve ever gone from missing rent every month to being reasonably flush, you’re aware of the many new horizons available to you as a human person. Also, you feel like killing people less.

A certain percentage of people can’t wrap their brains around the fact that local and widespread suffering is part of the human condition. Beneath those Life of Pablo pop-up store hoodies, we’re all merely animals facing the same landscape of daily survival. Global summits are a solid excuse to never be held personally accountable. Sort of like hashtags. Don’t do nothing. Also don’t do nothing and pretend it’s something. That one goes out to every single fucking Millennial who re-Tweets as the sum total of their involvement.

You can’t save the world. You probably can save one other person. Start there then move on to your second and third as you can. As always, skip over Africa. Every great turnaround begins with a massive write-off. I saw you buy that kente cloth on the way into the Conference. You’re not fooling anybody.

_{Photo credit: Social Good Conference 2016}