Aqib Talib Sure Shot

Aqib Talib probably shot himself. The extraordinarily talented Broncos defensive back but completely failed human being claimed that he was too drunk to remember how a bullet went through his leg late night in Dallas during the early summer off-season. You have to be pretty loaded to forget where you got shot. It’s not a bad idea to keep a journal with you if it happens often.

Talib first went with a tale about maybe being shot by a stranger in a park. It’s unclear if black men also falsely finger random medium build black men as their fake attackers, but Talib later admitted that it’s possible he was one of three people shot during a dispute in a Dallas nightclub that same night. Fucking fourth gimlet. It’s like having Alzheimer’s. 

Police investigators studied the specific trajectory of Talib’s leg wound and determined that he almost certainly took a bullet from a gun discharged from his own hand. Assuming he wasn’t trying to get out of his $57 million contract, assume he was wasted, in a nightclub scuffle, and reached for a gun he’s almost certainly not supposed to be holding after previous arrests for battery, resisting arrest, and aggravated assault.

Talib does have three interceptions including one pick six already this season. Expect the NFL to suspend him or perhaps make him the new Commissioner. Certainly a lecture about not being so sloppy with crime scene covering up.

_{Photo credit: Foxsports.com}