Jury’s Still Out On Kim Kardashian Robbery

Most people’s first reaction upon hearing Kim Kardashian was bound and gagged and robbed in Paris was this is obvious bullshit. Also, history please don’t judge us incorrectly, we weren’t all into fat chicks. An official police report was filed, so that would lend evidence to the event actually happening. As if Kim’s brood of deplorables couldn’t find an aspiring publicist to take the fall. Filing a false report carries with it a few months in a Parisian jail where even the guys in jail for public masturbation are unnervingly pretentious.

Evidence the whole thing was rigged includes the fact that Kim Kardashian is a midget whore whose entire life is a sham. She’s also currently playing up the drama involving her bodyguard Pascal Duvier by posting images of him on her Instagram. He’s been pretty active on Twitter lately, posting that he’s a Trump supporter and not interested in modeling (i.e. he’s interested in modeling.) We can all smell spinoff. This guy’s a shitty Steve Wilkos, and that’s saying something.

Kim was reportedly robbed of a $4.5 million ring. That’s insurance talk for close to a million. Interesting this should be happening in France. They had a revolution there a while back where such people had their heads paraded around on sticks. Kanye West also reportedly stopped his shitty concert mid-song to deal with the situation. What legitimate performer is checking his phone in the middle of a song? If you were actually singing or rapping, wouldn’t that be pretty hard to do? Or, was he expecting it and trying to draw attention to the issue? If you’re attending these shows, check your life. The ring was also reportedly given to Kim by Kanye, so that’s a plot line. For a worthwhile individual, this wouldn’t need to be questioned. As is, the burden of proof is firmly on the Kardashians to prove this isn’t a hoax.

When this inevitably turns out to be the case please extradite this pig to France. They have shitty taste she’ll blend right in as one of their least annoying citizens. 

EDITED TO ADD: [From Lex] Look who’s quoted on FoxNews thinking it wasn’t a hoax. I wish they’d let me swear in quotes on news sites.

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